Concepts of Humanity
by SaintFirestar666
Summary: Crona is trying, he really, really is. But how can someone connect with something they've never heard of before? How do you define yourself using a system you don't understand? Inside his head when he stayed at Shibusen and why it was so easy to go home.


**Disclaimer: I own Nothing, not even the insanity I'm plaguing the character with. How original.  
****Here's a key if you get confused,  
****Bold **is an unspoken concept.  
_Italics _are the voices inside his head or normal emphasis, you decide.  
_italics-with-a-_ are his thoughts.  
(words) Should be read in Ragnarok's voice.

* * *

_Concepts of Humanity_

Crona tried to understand things at Shibusen. He really, _really_ did.

**You don't kill people who don't deserve it any more. We're all your friends here.**

If Maka, _his-saviour-his-goddess_ wanted him to; he would have willingly leapt off a cliff and killed everyone in this town until their blood was red_redred _all _Over_ the walls, _until-they-were-Dead!, _for her to be happy. He knew that probably wasn't normal.  
He accidentally mumbles something to that effect to the Black _black-like-blood-and-ice _white one known as 'Kid'. He can't understand that Kid doesn't tell people he actually doesn't have a name yet. He'd asked Lady Medus- That woman_ maka-scowled-when-he-said-that-name!_ about the Shinigami they were fighting and she had chosen to give him some information about Kid and the very Scary-Powerful-man way_way_ upstairs.  
Kid had stared at him for a moment, Crona knowing that at least one of his dual pistols was now focusing on the conversation they were having because Kid tensed, _they-had-to-protect-Him?_, before nodding and replying he could understand that. His goddess was a bitch too. Crona understood later that he wasn't only talking about symmetry.

**You shouldn't be afraid to be yourself, or of being good at something other people aren't. Gossip isn't always true.**

It's not that he's not trying, (useless_incompetent, _why do you even try_exist_?) It's more that he understands things differently from the others _and-why-do-they-care-about-him-anyway?_ He does some things instinctively, things that takes them years to master and then they have to follow his thought process (_and then train until it wasn't even a thought any-more)_, but they cannot understand why him interacting with the rest of the class is so stilted (because they _know _who it was that _sliced_ soul eater up_ bloodbleedingred_,) people hadn't stopped talking about it-_the-incident-that-brought-him-here _since it happened and they cannot believe that this was the same demon who beat one of the strongest teams in Shibusen and is now _sitting-of-all-things _in their class.

**Being bad at something is a part of life, but you can always improve. Being bad is the first step of being good. **

He can barely keep up with the reading in class work, despite understanding most of it with his peculiar vocabulary of scientific words/procedures and baby-talk when it's said aloud. All while he doesn't know what 'girlfriend','joke' or 'fate' is, in or out of context, which leaves some people stumped to explain some concepts that pop up.  
But his auditorial memory for lectures and instruction was exemplary, bordering on _godamn_perfect because you should never_-ever-ever_ ask for lady Med-_that-woman_ to repeat herself if you wished to keep on living within the next five minutes. (Hedidhedidhedidhe_did_! No matter what that damn shadow says,) _shutup-shutup-shutup._  
A single noise could bring up a nightmares worth of memories for him. Anything from a scream in the night, the sound a scalpel makes being dragged over skin, chalk on blackboard or stone, a soft _slithering _noise, an unseen drip, even a laugh in a quiet moment could make him cringe and these are _never_ happy memories flashing in slow motion real-time across his eyelids.

**Don't break the rules. Don't go to the bad side of town. Don't cause trouble.**

As lovely and _good_ Maka is, she does not fully understand the darker side to death city. With all its hidden alleyways and exits which he found habitually _within-the-first-week-it's-a-big-city-and-he-doesn't-like-to-sleep _before he remembered he wasn't supposed to leave this place.  
This is why Soul was quietly teaching things that, when asked some questions, he mutters 'all guys should know about'. It's not an offer of friendship that his smile makes it out to be, (Because Crona can tell when he's being _threatened_, thankyouverymuch) and while that didn't even begin to rate on his top _fifty_ of threats and smiles, he appreciates the honesty of the threat even if Soul didn't know he was doing it.  
So even though the smile speaks of resentment, danger and _just-a-hint-of-fear_, he sits and listens to Soul patiently explaining the social boundaries and customs of the school in as few words as possible, trying to look like he doesn't care if Crona gets it or not. He tells him who to trust with his books (Them, but we won't be needing them long), where he has to go (Who says we're gonna get lost?!), the black blood (Stein and Maka only, no matter how nice that Marie or how helpful this guy is), his opinion (Who the fuck would care?)and his back (_No-one in this place_, you _cannot _stay protected all the time. _She_ has responsibilities other than _You_).

**Don't give them a reason to doubt you. Keep some things to yourself. At least act like you care what the authority thinks.**

He could have escaped _the-second-they-decide-he-can-stay_, no matter what they think of their stupid security system.  
He could have been long, long gone by the time Maka had come and found him (They'd given him a _window_ for fucks sake, what kind of torture chamber was that?). They'd given up and taken the shackles off when he kept breaking them unintentionally, (The black blood is _strong_) while reaching for the pillow to bury his face in _and-pretend-it-had-those-warm-arms-to-hug-him-back_. He could have killed the blue gorilla whenever he stuck his head round the door frame, _nobody-should-look-like-that-how-is-he-meant-to-know-not-to-stare?! _but he didn't because he thinks Maka would be sad if he did and he didn't want _her _to look disappointed in him when (IF! Who'd want to come see you?) she came to see him. Even if that's the only way he's been taught how to deal with it.  
But he knew this was because they were being given the opportunity to show loyalty. (Intelligence,_ she_ had called it. Showing us a plate of food in the middle of the floor, to make sure we knew when we were presented with an opportunity, being tricked or bribed. It's not like we can't handle the poisons anyway.)

They were _nowhere_ near as good at that as _she _was. He had seen Dr steins minuscule shake of the head and frown over the meister's shoulder when Maka had asked -_oh-gods-she-had-asked-him,-no-one's-ever-asked-him-about-anything!_- if he had wanted to move into her apartment for a while. (Yesyesyesyesyessay_yes_damnit I don't like it down here!) At least until he got used to it here in death city.  
He said 'No'-_he-had-to-he-had-to-he-had-to_ that 'he was okay down here' -_pleaseplease-take-me-with-you-the-dark-will-kill-me-without-you!_, where the only benefit was the improbability someone can come and kill him through that maze because he was ordered not to accept by someone he _hates_, even though he really needs her because he's going to go _insane_.

**Try to fit in. Take your pills. Do the right thing. Let her go.**

He knows he isn't normal.  
Now he knows that nothing about his childhood, or life, is considered normal by anyone other than him. It's not something anyone knows how to deal with, the little white pills help though, and they want him to _talk _about what happened-_why-why-why-why-can't-you-just-leave-it-alone-I-don't-want-to-remember-I-don't-I-don't-I-don't!_.  
In his darkest moments he begins to blame her_-his-saviour-his-world_, for telling him he was all wrong (And she should shut up) _shut-up-shut-UP_ (Before I _stab_ her in the _fuckinghead_!)  
And then the door opens and she _smiles_ at him before holding out her hand to help him come out into the sunlight and he short circuits.  
The warmth releasing fireworks behind his closed eyelids when she touches his bare skin with her own once more.

* * *

**How very cheerful I can be. This was an effort to be a drabble, but when I got inside Crona's head it was too much fun so it turned into...this...thing... Um.**

**Update? Yay?**

**Saint, over and out.**


End file.
